There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit noticed the crow, and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two:

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and
felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too
easy.

Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I
got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I
cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict
with him.

Harry was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught
recently after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture
you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed
10 pounds."

Harry replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful
lot of weight during three hours of fighting."

I just got this e-mail from my mom. I think she meant to send me a
blonde joke (she's very blonde). However, in her blondness, she put
the body of the e-mail into the subject line, and you can see below
where it was cut off...I'm still laughing out loud, because I think
this is funnier than any blonde joke I've seen. And no, I don't think
she did this on purpose. She's not very e-mail savvy, and she's done
this twice before with regular e-mails.

From: xxxxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, August 01, 2001 3:06 PM
To: xxxxxxx