Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."

Before you ask me for the day off,consider the following statistics:

There are 365 days in the year,you sleep 8 hours a day.
Making 122 days, which subtracted from 365 days makes 243 days.
You also have 8 hours recreation every day making another 122 days and leaves a balance of 121 days.
There are 52 Sundays that you do not work at all, which leaves 69 days.
You get Saturday afternoon off,this gives 52 halfdays,or 26 more days that you do not work.
This leaves a balance of 43 days.
You get an hour off for lunch, which when totalled makes 16 days, leaving 27 days of the year.

Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some
time off," said one.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what
he was doing up there, and the man replied. "I'm a lightbulb."

"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the
first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second
man followed him.

"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.

"I can't work in the dark," he said.

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough...

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy...

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human...

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative...

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm...

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.

For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a
busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up
for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my
supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to
approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time
he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on
the phone

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of
juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, truck drivers, etc.) but
nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar,
wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice
'I`d like to try the bet.'

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and
told him to come into his office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked
the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a
mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone
by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a
breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last
name only... Smith, Jones, Baker... that's all. I am to be
referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant, named Calle. It seems that
Calle has a chronic illness which requires daily medication. The
zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a
pharmacologist developed a suppository for her.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by
the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame, California.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including
one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears
a full-arm glove.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS?