A man left for work one Friday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

That is Love !
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a
five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like
this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with
my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed
one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was
my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of
arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the
wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll
give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob.

Benny and Mark were at the bar chatting about how much their wives thought of
them. Mark said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any
work around the house. It's great!"
Not to be out done, Benny said, "That's nothing. My wife simply worships me..."

Confused Mark asked, "She worships you? C'mon, what makes you say that?"

"Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche!
New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for
$500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a
shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an
almost brand new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he
expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back
to the lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a
serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said,
"when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

"What did she say?" asked the friend.

The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed,
you coward!'"

The poor country pastor was livid when he
confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250
dress she had bought.

"How could you do this!" he exclaimed.

"I don't know," she wailed,

"I was standing in the store looking at the dress
on sale.

Then I found myself trying it on.

It was like the Devil was whispering to me,
'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should
buy it.'"

"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to
deal with him!

Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"

"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks
great from back here, too."