Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.

Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.

Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except “Tied to the Whipping Post”.

A couple was getting married, and it was only
three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she says, "I just found out that my fiance's mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding."

The bride's mother thinks for a minute. "Don't worry," she tells her daughter. "I'll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony."

"But mother," says the bride, "that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It's such a waste not to use it."

"Who said I won't use it?" her mother asked.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you
cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and
said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar,
the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by
his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye--and said, "This isn't going
to take all day, is it?"

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a
humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties
of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up
and return of the groom's tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either
three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's.
Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the
groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and
deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to
actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided

I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old
bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony
until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with
their candles and then blew out their own. With that he
brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done
before."

I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?"

His response: "No more old flames?"

On a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon, a guy
stood on the first tee at his country club. He had
just pulled out his driver when a young woman in
a wedding gown came running up to him, crying.

"You creep!" she screamed in his face. "You
lousy no-good rotten stinking creep!"

"What's your problem, sweetie?" he calmly replied.
"I distinctly told you 'only if it rained'."

After our friends said their wedding vows and walked out of the
church, they were disappointed to find that their car had not been
decorated with the usual "Just Married" signs and paraphernalia.
Disappointed wasn't the word to describe the priest who had just
married them. He happened to drive a car that was very similar to the
one belonging to the bride and groom!

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest