Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.

Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!'

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving
gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She
shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what
it is - flowers!"

"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

"Just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher
held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess
what it is - a box of candy!"

"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.
When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody
was sitting absolutely quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like
it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all
of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well,
one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet,
you would drop dead."

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said.

"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He
loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the
bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"

A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor for having
used the same tests for the past 35 years.

"Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these
tests for decades and that all of your students know EXACTLY what's on
the test before they sit for it?"

"Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "You must realize that the
subject is economics. The answers are different each year!"

~ You believe the staff room should have a Valium salt lick.

~ You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all
your holidays and summers free."

~ You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

~ You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says,
"Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

~ When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children
and correct their behavior.

~ Marking all A's on the report card would make your life SO much
simpler.

~ You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

A blonde teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation... Trying
to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn
red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't
run into my feet?"

The answer came from the back of the class, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."

On the last day of kindergarten, the
children brought presents for their
teacher.

The florist's son gave her a box. She
shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet
I know what it is. Is it flowers?"

"That s right!" said the boy.

Then the candy store owner's son gave her
his package. She shook it, held it up, and
said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it a
box of candy?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Next the liquor store owner's son handed
her his box.

She shook it, held it up, and noticed that it