One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's
office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman,
curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?"
I asked her.

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to
embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school.
So now I've come to spend the day with him!"

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.

Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!'

The following apparently comes from a Catholic
elementary school.It could happen...

Kids were asked questions
about the Old and New Testaments. The following
statements about the Bible were written by children.
They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e.,
incorrect spelling has been left in.)....

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got
tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark,
which animals come on to in pears.

On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving
gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She
shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what
it is - flowers!"

"That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

"Just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher
held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess
what it is - a box of candy!"

"That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Just a lucky guess," said the teacher.

One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's
office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman,
curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?"
I asked her.

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to
embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school.
So now I've come to spend the day with him!"

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.
When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody
was sitting absolutely quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like
it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all
of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well,
one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet,
you would drop dead."

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school
if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect
the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends
waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
This is the actual conversation of the telephone call.

Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-in-so is unable to make
it to school today because she is ill.

Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her
absence. Who is this calling?"

A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor for having
used the same tests for the past 35 years.

"Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these
tests for decades and that all of your students know EXACTLY what's on
the test before they sit for it?"

"Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "You must realize that the
subject is economics. The answers are different each year!"

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt
Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to
bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of
whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy