At the start of an important trial, a small town attorney called his first witness to the stand. She seemed like a sweet, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. You've become a huge disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a hot shot lawyer, when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the
meat -- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting
on the surgeon's occupation. At one party, a surgeon friend was
watching the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running
commentary: "How am I doing, doc? How do you like that technique?
I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"

When the host finished and the slices of meat lay neatly on the
serving platter, the surgeon spoke up: "Anybody can take them
apart, Harry. Now lets see you put them back together again."