Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick
packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that
the picnic site is two miles away.
So, it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick
unpacks the food and beer.
"Ok Roy give me the bottle opener"

"I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets
worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"

Naturally Andy didn't bring it.

So they're stuck two miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and

When my son Jared began spending lots of time in the Internet chat
rooms, I worried that his grades would suffer. I made him promise to
do schoolwork until I returned home at 5p.m. One day at 4:30 I decided
to check up on him. Using my office computer, I went on-line and entered
his favorite chat room. To my dismay I saw Jared's name among the list
of current participants and immediately decided to teach him a lesson
in front of his cyber friends. "Jared," I typed, "this is your mother,
and you are grounded for two weeks!" "Hi, Mrs. Beyeler," came a reply.

An elderly man turns to his wife one night as they are
getting into bed and says: "You know, we're not spring
chickens any more. If I die first, promise me you'll
re-marry." "Oh, yes, in a heartbeat", she replied. "Hmm,
that was not exactly the answer I expected, but since we're
being so honest, tell me would you still live in this
house?" he asked. "Absolutely". "Would you let him drive my
car?" "Yep". "Would you sleep in this bed together?" "Yep".
"Would you let him use my golf clubs?" "Probably not". "I
don't get it. Why not?"

... "He's a lefty".