A lady approaches her priest and tells him : “Father I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”….

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a
priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after
an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and
experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and
receives the same reply. "Sex is work and therefore not
for the Sabbath!"

A minister was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off from church. He told the assistant minister he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so that no one would know him.)

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to Jesus, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus said, "No, I won't." The minister teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

A man saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his
collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your
shirt backwards?"
- The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"
- The man scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I
don't wear my shirt backwards!"
Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"
To which the man replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts
backwards!"

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to Heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when

A priest asks a nun if he can walk her back to the convent.
She says, "Just this once."

Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her.

She replies, "Well, alright, as long as you don't get into
the habit."

Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in
training.

Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers.
One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire
crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in
the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman
was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his
speech which, went over well.

About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole,
he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!"
under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on

the green only six inches from the hole!

"Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole
instead of going in.

"HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing
his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He
greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug
and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented:
"Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."