One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.

The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?"

"No," replied the nervous immigrant.

"Did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?"
"No."

"Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna kill you?"
"No."

"Then why did you think she's gonna kill you?" asked the exasperated police officer.

A Polish man wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Pole to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Pole understood and was ready.

The time came to have the Pole jump from the plane. The instructor reminded the Pole that he would be right behind him. The Pole proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord.