A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'

Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off so I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his
crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew
became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my
red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt,
which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate
boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the
pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate
vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the