This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out.
She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts,
two bums show up looking for a handout.
Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if
they will chop some wood out back.
Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time.
But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that
he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all.

A man went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a
naked girl on his back.

"So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked.

"I'm a snail," the man replied.

"What a load of crap!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail
when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?"

"That's not a naked girl, mate," the bloke replied, "that's
Michelle."

One day this rich guy was having a party at his house.
He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house
in Beverly Hills, girls, cars, planes; anything
he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and
he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he
was, he and his friends all standing around drinking,
and partying next to the pool.
The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends
look up. He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first
person that swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, sips on his