BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 0 adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.

After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x 8'cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:

"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read,
"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to
"Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go.

Next, they tried
"Manic Depressives and Anal Retentive."
Thumbs down again.

Then came
"Minds and Behinds."
Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in
"Lost Souls and Butt Holes."
Unacceptable again.

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the
department staff be supplied broken down by age and sex.
The personnel office sent this reply -

"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken
down by age and sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue
having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no
work is getting done".

Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I
said I was going to blame it on you."

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue
until morale improves.

A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good
people to get the ones we hired."

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because
it's unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I