A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it.

Mom said, "'Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded the kid.

So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"

Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

Sally had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing
cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys
"shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to
the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran
over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye
and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had
to rest all day".

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside
and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked,
"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly," everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on

the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
Mommy.
"Oh."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother
with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town
that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his
father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances come in white."

His mother was now living in Miami Beach, and
the young man didn't see her that often. His father
was no longer around and he was worried that
Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased
a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages.
He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother.

A few days later, he called. "Ma, what do you think
of the bird?"

"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have
cooked it longer."

"You ate the bird?!? Ma, the bird was very expensive.
It spoke seven languages!"