A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.

"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth.
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided
to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished
his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four.

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

An American approaches a British gentleman at a club, asks if he’d like to play tennis.

The Brit replies: “No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it.”

The American asks if he’d like to play billiards.

“No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it.”

Would he like to play bridge?

“No thank you, tried it once, didn’t like it; but I see my son approaching. He might like to play.”

“Your only son I presume”.

Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.
"Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically."

(From a man's point of view)

#1..Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down.
#1..Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
#1..Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Live with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and
NASCAR.
#1..Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of

Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some
time off," said one.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what
he was doing up there, and the man replied. "I'm a lightbulb."

"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the
first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second
man followed him.

"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.

"I can't work in the dark," he said.

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens
fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being God's
creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.

The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower
beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit I
noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning
to bloom.

So I asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you
make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"