BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps all over everything and then leaves.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 0 adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!” Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘The bull is surprising the cow’- not some filth you picked up in the City,” he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. “Uncle John!

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do," is the longest sentence?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity.

Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency and a concatenated consistency.

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations.

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?

Gloria

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being

The Washington Post Style Invitation postulated that English should have

male and female nouns. Readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun
of their choice and explain their reason.

The best submissions:
________________________________________

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a
wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In
some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."

"However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the
ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after
a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.

"Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool,
200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right."

Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until
the man behind them spoke up. "These folks are from England,"
he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where
two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two
Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to
stare.

"Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American
turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a
foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't

On a cruise to Alaska, I saw my very first glacier in the
magnificent Inside Passage. Excitedly, I asked the ship's
officer what it was called.

"It's some dumb glacier," he replied.

Disappointed by his attitude, I bought a map to figure it out
myself. I spotted our location and found the name of the ice
mass.

It was called, just as he'd said, "Sumdum Glacier."