My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant, named Calle. It seems that
Calle has a chronic illness which requires daily medication. The
zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a
pharmacologist developed a suppository for her.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by
the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame, California.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including
one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears
a full-arm glove.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS?

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly
a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The
driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses
and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I
tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you
give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie,
then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered,
"Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by
Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable
clothing and lie down on your bed.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place
it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

COMPETITIVE SALARY - We remain competitive by paying less than our
competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM - We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up;
well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your
first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
CAREER-MINDED - Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).