My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.

My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter. That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt.

On one side it said, "Families are Forever."

And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start."

In the past year, telemarketers have become a bigger nuisance in my life
than ever before. At first I would just hang up on them. The calls kept
coming. Then I started to ask to be taken off their calling lists. The
calls kept coming. I got angrier and angrier but...The calls kept coming.

I realized, hey, why not toy with these inconsiderate jerks the way they
toy with me? Since they have an incentive to trudge through the call to the
end, they stay on the line MUCH longer and take MUCH more abuse than you'd

Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
Your cow takes up painting and wants to wear an earring.
Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at
Burger King.

The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared
four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct
the first day's mistake.

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MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale.
Pbone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives
with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday.
It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707
and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?