It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.
The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.
"Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so man would
live a long and healthy life.

But Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
double cheeseburger. And McDonald's said to man, "You want fries
with that?" And man said "Supersize them" and man gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my fresh salad."

But Satan created ice cream. And man gained pounds.

And God said, I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them. "

Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is
derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants,
which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is
a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating
it too slowly.

A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him.
In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping
list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.

The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies
has one-third fewer calories than usual."

"Why is that?" the mother asked.

"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.

I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me
to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the
inside of the door was a risqué picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly
built, but scantily-clad young woman.
"Mom, what's this?" I asked.

"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.

"Is it working?" I asked.

"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has
gained 20!"

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

"Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They
are pale skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house
you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but
they look terrific."
- Bill Cosby

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.