A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying
emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually
just put my car in park."

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.

She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.

She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

- rough condition... too bad to lie about

- parts car... beyond repair

- immaculate... recently washed

- engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil

- needs minor overhaul... needs engine

- needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard

- burns no oil... (it all leaks out)

- rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs.

- Drive it away... I live on a hill.

- Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles)

- desirable classic... No one wants it.

- rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new.

- stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field)

10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage
Bags.

9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.

8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.

7. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better
Than This Piece of Junk."

6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as
the everyday abacus.

5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're
taking.

4. The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not
Included."

3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.