Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" The Warden gasped.

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.

Hello,' said the little boy

'Hi,' replied the little girl.

'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.

'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,' answered the little girl. 'I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.

'I go to the Lutheran church back down the road,' replied the little girl. 'What about you? '

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall,
holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl
looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee
kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he
blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the
loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your
thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said,"Well, I'll run in and out and in an out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

A duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants
when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all
over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the duke. "I must
find him."

After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes
across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the
boy admits that it was he who
shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows