At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."

"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals." - Donna Maria G, age 9

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you." - Rob P, age 8

"If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it." - Steven B, age 8

"Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs." - Susie F., age 7

"Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." - Beau M., age 10

"My dog had worms. I think he was going fishing." - Emma B., age 4

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.

A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was
failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed
everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last
resort he went to a Rabbi and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the Rabbi said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put
a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach.
Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the
beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: I'm with you, honey, those guys are the scum of the earth.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of vegetables left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.